Parents

Have you caught the “Ancestry.com” bug? At this time in my life I have but in a different way. I want to know about my parents. Do you ever wonder who your parents were before you were born? I’ve known mine literally all of my life, of course, but do I know who they were before me? I’ve always wanted a glimpse of who my parents were before I met them, like from a time travel machine but to see inside, who they were privately or maybe just to see who they were as people and not my parents.

Yes, I know basics like where they were born, grew up. What colleges they attended, that sort of thing. I know my grandparents names. I know what my parents looked like in photos from their youth, but who were they on the inside, the part no one else sees? I always wondered if or how they would be different if I met them back then. That “missing” information intrigues me. How does it differ, if at all, from who they are now as my parents?

AP "Pat" Buie, Jr.

Sue F. Wight

I’ve recently been lucky enough to read some letters to my mother when she was a young girl from her parents and friends. I also read letters she wrote to them and found that yes, she was younger, but I recognize her in her letters. I recognize my mother in that young girl/woman. I know I am a bit different now than I was when young and that maybe some of the things I did, the choices I made as that youth would surprise my kids. I’m sure if I could actually look into my mother’s memories I would find things there that would surprise me, too. But it felt comforting to find that I did actually recognize her in her letters. The “she” I know was there all along.

Sue before she was my mom

Now, after my father’s death I have found something different. There is so much about his youth I don’t really know. Like who he was before Korea, who he was before PTSD and survivor syndrome, who he was before a painful divorce and giving up three children whom he truly loved. I know of these events in his life but they are events. They aren’t who he was inside, before. I’m sure the young man that he was influenced how he dealt with these blows. With him gone I regret not asking enough, not pushing to find out more about the younger man.

Pat before he was my dad

So I’ve come to two conclusions. One, that though I didn’t know my parents before my birth, I know them now and I’m glad they were whoever they were before me, because that’s what influenced them in who they are (or were) now. And two, though I love the two people who brought me in no matter who they were before, I still wish, even so, that I could travel back in time and meet their younger selves…