Hurts So Good

Soon comes a time of remembrance as we will hold my father's memorial on the 25^th of this month. I feel like I had a “breather” in April, a time to be in my home with my husband and just let life move around me while I wrote and didn’t think so much about missing my father. I didn’t go to North Carolina for the first month in almost twenty-four. I didn’t realize how un-grounded I was in my own home because of that. I love being in NC, so it wasn’t a hardship for me and I didn’t realize this un-grounded-ness until I didn’t go.

 

This past month I found writing to be fun, a release, a pleasure to look forward to every day. I wrote on my blog and on my work in progress every day. I had a project I needed to finish before the end of May and I made excellent progress on it. I felt stable. I felt entrenched. It was a healthy, wonderful feeling that left me energetic during the day and tired at night. The kind of tired you have when you know you’ve accomplished something good that day. I felt “home.” We also had family come and stay a bit and it only seemed right for them to be here in our home at that particular time. A confirmation.

Now I, we, will once again travel to NC to share memories and the pain of loss with my family and be with others as they say their farewells to my father.  Life is constant change, always in flux and in keeping with that we have a young French girl/woman staying with us which entails me finding a new rhythm, a new stability, which so far (it's only been a week!) has been hard to do. But today I was eager to be at the computer; eager to be back in contact with my "true love." Today I came close to finding a balance, which reinforced the certainty that soon I will once again let my imagination and fingers have free range within whatever new rhythm I discover. One of my favorite sayings is “Life is what happens when you’re busy planning something else.” Perfect example!