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| IWSG GROUP LIST |
In our group (IWSG) we tend to write a lot about rejection,
especially pertaining to getting published. I’d like to try and look at it a different
way today.
If you really stop and think about it, rejection is an
everyday part of life. Handling rejection on many different levels is wired
into us in very subtle ways. When you wake in the morning and see yourself in
the mirror, your real self, not the one you put the face on for outside of your
waking moment, do you accept or reject that look? Most of us just, “Oh, it’s
you again,” and avoid the mirror till we get our makeup on, or at least brush
our teeth and hair.
At work, we tend to be aware of those around us and whether
or not they seem to judge us negatively or positively. Our senses heighten, antennae
constantly moving to stay one step ahead of rejection of our selves, of our
looks, of our speech, of the clothes we choose to wear.
So if we are constantly dealing with judgment and rejection
almost every day of our lives, why should we let it get to us so much when it
comes to our writing?
I decided a few months ago that I was tired of the rejection
I gave myself when I looked into the mirror. I decided to try and change that “talk”
in my head and greet myself with a “good morning” instead of the “Oh, it’s you
again.” I must admit I fall down on the job every now and then, that it’s a
work in progress. But I am persevering, giving myself positive energy instead
of negative.
How about you? What is your self talk? Are you kind and
loving to yourself, or do you not even have a mirror, to avoid that morning look?
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| Haha! Couldn't resist this image! |
Go ahead, I encourage you to give yourself some positive feedback
and see if that doesn’t help with the other “big” rejections life throws at
you. After all, you are the only one who
must live with you for the rest of your life. You might as well encourage your Self.
Because we all know discouragement will find us, but the stronger we are
inside, the harder it will be for rejection to take us down. That’s my theory
anyway, and I like it!
And because I didn't get enough of co-hosting on the A to Z (LOL), I'm co-hosting here today on the IWSG along with the ever amazing Eva Solar, Melanie Schulz, and Stephen Tremp!
Don't hesitate to drop by their blogs and thank them for being on the Ninja's team!
Oh, and don't forget, The Blood, Boobs, and Carnage Blogfest
is May18th
Use a movie/show/book that exemplifies the theme. (Or part of theme.)
Hosted by Alex and Heather Gardner.
Images from:
I like to look at life positively, it is hard sometimes, but I think it helps our state of mind. I'll go talk to myself in the mirror as soon as I've finished my morning cup of tea! Thanks for being one of our fab co-hosts this month.
ReplyDeleteI looked at myself in the mirror this morning. Couldn't help it. The scales are right in front of a full-length mirror.
ReplyDeleteDoes indifference count as rejection?
Hi Lisa, Thanks for hosting.
ReplyDeleteWe spend so much time worrying about what people think of us don't we? And half the time, they're probably not thinking of us at all! I veer between that and thinking the heck with everyone else, I'll just go ahead anyway (sometimes that works so I guess it's a fairly even balance).
My first look in the mirror isn't so hard, but that's because I wear contacts and the first look is just a blur. But once the contacts go in, I have that look. I'll try to remember your advice.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard work to stay positive sometimes. But you're right, you have to live with you! Great encouraging words today, Lisa!
ReplyDeleteThere's brown paper taped over my mirror. :P
ReplyDeleteThanks for co-hosting. :)
IWSG #134 until Alex culls the list again.
You're right - I'm the one who has to live with myself. (My wife has to live with me as well, but that's her choice.) Good advice today, Lisa.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for co-hosting today!
Hi, Lisa!
ReplyDeleteI often trudge to the bathroom for a cool shower instead of looking at myself in the mirror when I wake up. :-) Water relaxes me in a way. If I'm feeling down, I try to think of something nice, and that makes me feel better. I talk about the things I want and the previous moments that brought fun in my life. When the happy feeling hits me, it's enough to get me through the day.
Thanks for co-hosting!
I haven't gotten a chance to look at myself in the mirror yet this morning, but I'm going to follow your advice when I do. Great advice, and thanks for co-hosting!
ReplyDeleteGreat message. I admit I don't look in the mirror until I brush my teeth. The hair is bad but I always work out before I do anything with it. But I love your outlook on handling rejection. We have to accept and believe in ourselves.
ReplyDeleteInsightful stuff. I wonder if this is part of being an introvert. Is it so exhausting to be around other people, in part, because introverts are worried about judgements? Could be. I'm not very kind to my image any time of the day, but my kids always tell me I'm pretty, which is so sweet.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all your hosting duties!
This is a good reminder, because I tend to talk badly to myself too. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteGreat advice, and cute pictures. I'll take it and use it. Thanks for co-hosting this month, and today!
ReplyDeletePlay off the Page
You are welcome Mary! I need a way to find your blog! Google doesn't list it and I don't know where to find you! Could you send me a link?
DeleteHi Lisa - her name doesn't help does it - and G+ hasn't got any info in her about ... but "Play Off the Page" does ... goes to her web page where you can find her blog ... http://playoffthepage.com/ Had to look! Cheers H
DeleteLook at you, trying to be all positive on this day of celebrating in self-wallowing...
ReplyDeleteA line from one of my favourite songs reads: "When you look at your reflection, is that all you want to be?"
That doesn't mean "You should be more," it simply means. "Are you happy with yourself?"
Just say "yes." See what happens.
Hi Lisa and thanks for co-hosting this month. Even though I've enjoyed some nice publishing success, the non-acceptances continue to show up with regularity. But you know what, that means I'm writing, challenging others to find the value in my words, and moving forward. Yes, it stings every time, but you're right: A small change in perspective can make a big difference in how we feel about ourselves and our writing. Love the pics in the post!
ReplyDeleteThanks for co-hosting! I love that kid in the picture--it's all about how you see things, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAh, Blood, Boobs and Bombs, I mean carnage. Sounds ... quite ... stimulating. Thanks for co-hosting, Lisa!
ReplyDeletePositive self-talk is so important. You are right, we face rejection all of the time. With writing I look at rejections as a positive thing. One, I put myself out there. Two, if you are form rejecting me I didn't want to work with you anyway. And Three, if you give me a personal rejection or an R & R I must be heading in the right direction. I just have to keep trying. Rejections are part of the hunt for the right match for you and your work. :)
ReplyDeleteI've never actually thought about it one way or another. I see me in the mirror and...well...it's me. I might laugh at my bedhead or pillow creased cheeks, but otherwise I'm just me. I guess that would fall under acceptance. So, yay me! Thanks for co-hosting.
ReplyDeleteNice pep talk you gave yourself, Lisa! And you're non-stoppable--co-hosting today and doing another Hop! I think you've already left insecurity behind.
ReplyDeleteThanks for co-hosting! Those are some great tips for positive thinking. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a uplifting and encouragingv post, Lisa. sometimes we need to remember all the positive things about ourselves and our lives and dismiss all the negatives!
ReplyDeleteAs an introvert I find it too difficult to put of a face, so I avoid socialisation with people I don't know well. I know a lot of that is a fear of rejection. But I've grown more comfortable with myself, and within my small circle of trusted folks. Thought provoking post! :)
ReplyDeleteshahwharton.com
I hadn't thought of it this way, Lisa. You're right--I do ignore myself until everything is spiffed up. And, I avoid people who are judgmental and opinionated (if that impacts me). So writing rejections are harder to take. I may have to work on that.
ReplyDeleteA few months ago I started practicing Ayurvedic techniques, which includes a morning self-massage. It's soothing on many levels, and I think it helps a lot with the negative self-talk.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true that often we are our worst critics. One of the things AtoZ helped me with was to just keep busy and keep writing -- I didn't have time to worry about naysayers.
Self-talk is so important. I like your idea of what to tell yourself when you look in the mirror. We can definitely be our own worst enemies when it comes to writing. Maybe I can practice saying "Writing is second to my day job so it's okay that it doesn't go as quickly as I want it to."
ReplyDeleteSo true, and a shot of good common sense to all of us! I wonder if it is because we are the only creators of our work, that it hurts for it to be rejected. The mirror - well, I didn't have too much choice on how I would turn out as a human :) But my own writing - there's no excuse, no one else to blame it on.
ReplyDeleteThat’s a good outlook to adopt. If you think “I can’t” or any negative thoughts enough, you’d start to believe it. But personally, when I look in the mirror in the mornings, my thoughts and feelings are more towards a “let’s get this done.” Or “let’s get this over with” when I begin the day. Thank you for co-hosting!
ReplyDeleteI avoid the mirror if possible. It shows who I really am, not the slim sexy gal my inner goddess tells me I am. Mean goddess!!
ReplyDeleteToo much negative self talk can freeze a person though. Good for you accepting yourself. Bound to make good things happen in your life :)
Very good advice. My own self talk is too often negative. I've been working on it since I was a teenager, and while it's vastly improved, it's still far from perfect.
ReplyDeleteAn inspiring post, Lisa. I'll try the "good morning" in the mirror. Thanks for co-hosting this month.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes.
IWSG #108
It's important to feel good about yourself, no matter what's going on in your life. Glad you have the courage to keep going.
ReplyDeleteThanks for co-hosting this month's IWSG!
Hi Lisa
ReplyDeleteLooking back I realize I was harder on myself than anyone else. Going forward, I plan to ignore the rejectionist in favor of positive vibs. Good post.
Nancy
Great advice, Lisa. I try doing that regularly. Most of the time it works; as you said, sometimes we have our off days. Thanks for co-hosting with me my love! Hugs. Eva, IWSG co-host.
ReplyDeleteHi Lisa, I loved this post. So touchingly vulnerable. One course I did once years ago, a spiritual retreat for women, they taught us to do this one thing every day: look in the mirror and say to yourself, 'You're wonderful'. It's so simple and yet so refreshingly good! :-)
ReplyDeleteWonderful Post!!! Thank You!!!
ReplyDeleteNice post, Lisa. I'm a lot less hard on myself now than I used to be, although I don't quite 'embrace' myself either. I'm finally at a spot where I accept myself, for better or for worse. Thanks for the thought-inducing article. Peace.
ReplyDeleteI've been avoiding mirrors for years and maybe that should change. Thanks for the insight. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnna from Elements of Writing
I'm too busy thinking about how I want to go back to bed to reject myself when I see my reflection in the mirror. =)
ReplyDeleteHa--I look in the mirror every morning and to be re assured I'm still alive! Enjoyed your post. We all need to give ourselves a pep talk once in awhile. Thanks for co hosting!!
ReplyDeleteI started practicing the friendly hello in the mornings a whike ago. Sometimes it really works and I see a dashing dragon. Villagers don't agree, though.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually having trouble dealing with the face in the mirror; it's all the other faces that tend to scare me. It's hard being positive, especially during rough patches, but I do believe that sometimes it's simply a choice we need to make. I'm currently working on making the right, good, and positive choice more often. Thanks for co-hosting and thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for co-hosting. Great post. I have learned being positive is a choice, even if it is not always easy, but the more you do it the better you get at it. This is one of my favorite quotes--"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."
ReplyDelete~Henry David Thoreau
Juneta at Writer's Gambit
I try to stay positive in everything I do. If I can't, then it's time to reanalyze the situation and regroup. It helps to have a support group that builds you up (my husband is good at that :). Balancing the emotional-spiritual-physical also helps. Good old fashion outdoor exercise does wonders for me. But I hear you on rejection....and I'm about to enter the submission waters, and not sure how I'll do. Thanks for co-hosting, Lisa!
ReplyDeleteI actually have the best mirror in the world - honestly, I should rent out my bathroom for 5 minutes at a time. The walls are red (giving me a glow), the window is directly opposite (ie. behind me when I look at it, so it hides wrinkles, bags and blemishes) and it makes me look very slightly slimmer in the face.
ReplyDeleteI also employ the 'treat yourself as you would treat your best friend' style of talking to myself - I try to find the positive in most situations, just as I would if my best friend was sitting next to me asking for advice.
Wow, I sound really balanced, don't I? If only...
Thanks for co-hosting!
Hi Lisa - the IWSG really helps so many .. and well done on being a co-host once again ... all writing helps, but those glasses not quite full aren't helpful ... so constantly readjusting to the positive thought benefits, will just make life easier all round - and you'll shine ... you already do ... Cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteMy mom said yesterday, "I can't do what you do. Rejection gets to me too much. You get knocked down and you get right back up again." I told her that actually rejection hurts all of us, but it's only through making yourself get back up, that you eventually learn that rejection isn't the end of the world. You get stronger and stronger with each rejection but you have to push yourself past the hurt to get there.
ReplyDeleteWhat great and interesting thoughts, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteSuch wise advice. We are really hard on ourselves. I mean seriously, if we had friends who said the things to us that we say to ourselves, we'd punch them...or in the very least, remove them as a contact!
ReplyDeleteLearning how to deal with rejection takes time. Too much time! But if we look at them with attention there is a lot to learn through them. I'm more talking of rejections linked to publishing goals. I used to remain sad for days when I received a NO instead of a YES. Then I found out that sending another piece right after helped me to keep positive. And it helps my productivity. For each manuscript that I send another one is ready to go, so by the time a rejection arrives, I can move on. This technique doesn't bring automatic success but certainly ease the pain.
ReplyDeleteLisa, it's great to look rejection in the face and see the positive side of life. Yes, it is indeed full of rejection...sometimes we see more than is actually there if we're in a low mood. Properly handled, rejection makes us stronger.
ReplyDeleteI visited you during the A-Z and you did a marvellous job. Well done you!
Denise :-)
I don't do the positive thinking very well, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouraging post, Lisa!
ReplyDeleteRejection is a part of everyday life. It's not going away anytime soon. However, I DO believe in the power of positive thinking.
Thanks for co-hosting the IWSG this month.
(I know this visit is rather late... but you know what they say - better late than never...)
I love the idea of changing the response to ourselves first thing in the morning. That's a great idea.
ReplyDelete